


we all fly

by dancingrat



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Flying, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25606114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingrat/pseuds/dancingrat
Summary: A long time ago, someone told Renjun he could fly.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 86





	we all fly

Jaemin lands in a flurry of feathers. He always does. He doesn't have to, but it's not Jaemin unless he's making an ass out of himself by showing off his wings at every available opportunity. Of course, Jaemin wouldn't call that being an ass.

Unlike most of them who have brown or gray plumage, Jaemin's wings are pale beige with patterns of red running across the sides, blending out into pure red brown at the tips. They make it easier to pick him out in the sky, which is the same as making him an easier target, so he shouldn't like them so much.

They are beautiful though. None of them have seen another pair of wings like Jaemin's, and Jeno's seen a lot.

Renjun watches as Jaemin stretches his wings out. Twice—he's really pushing it today. The sunlight that comes through the trees plays in patches across his feathers. Yeah, they're beautiful. Renjun might be jealous.

Jaemin’s still an ass. Whatever.

Jeno lands beside Jaemin less than a heartbeat later. He's got normal coloring, dark brown feathers with a splash of white over his left side, near his shoulder. The splash of white comes from way back, back before Jeno got out of the facilities that breed their kind like livestock. White feathers sell better. They thought they could bleach it into him.

Jeno folds his wings in after landing, because he is a normal sane person and only an ass sometimes.

Wind rushes through the clearing from the force of their wing beats on landing, and ruffles Renjun's hair.

"Looks like I beat you _again._ Losing your touch, Jeno?" Jaemin says, finally folding his wings in so he can get close enough to elbow Jeno in the side.

Jeno grunts and shoves Jaemin, though not with much force. "You cheated. It doesn't count."

"There's no such thing as cheating."

"You shoved me in mid air."

"Rules are rules. I did the loop, and I landed first. Right, Renjun?"

Both heads swivel toward Renjun, to where he sits cross-legged on the ground a safe distance from the landing point.

"I can't really tell who landed first," Renjun says without skipping a beat. Jaemin's mouth drops open in betrayal, and Jeno laughs, throaty and loud.

Jisung wheels above them, flying in circles and ignoring the exercise. It's a beautiful spring day, and besides that Renjun doesn't really care, so he lets him off.

A long time ago, someone told Renjun he could fly. Those weren't the exact words, actually.

"We're all going to fly someday, when we get away from here," was what he said. In Renjun's head, it's the same thing.

If Renjun were to make a list of the reasons Jaemin is an ass, it wouldn't actually be very long. Mainly because Jaemin isn't really much of an ass. Aside from showing off his wings, he wouldn't even be up for the title if he wasn't so damn stubborn.

When Renjun emerges from the shelter of Jisung's wings and rubs bleary eyes, the first spectacle of the morning is Jaemin and Jeno trying to one-up each other by lifting increasingly heavier rocks. They've been doing this for the past week, in a bid for muscle. Renjun doesn't approve. Muscle would only weigh them down in flight. He thought they'd been trying to keep out of his sight, because they know he'd tell them off, but this morning they've gotten bold.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yells, but the effect is ruined by his croaky morning voice, and the yawn that follows after.

Jeno at least tries to look sheepish, while Jaemin is unabashed.

"What do you think we're doing?" Jaemin shoots back.

Renjun draws himself up to his full height, which he's sure is very intimidating. Jaemin and Jeno are shaking in their worn-out sneakers. "Jeno, okay, I understand. You like admiring your body—"

"Hey," Jeno protests, but it's ignored by everybody. Even Jisung, who's only awake because watching his older friends argue is one of his life's greatest pleasures. Which, now that Renjun thinks about it, is a little bit concerning.

"But Jaemin—you've had back problems before. Tell me you're not this dumb."

Jaemin acts like he doesn't hear Renjun. "Bet you can't lift that one," he says, turning back to Jeno.

Renjun feels like they're always running. Before, it was running away. It's not that they're running away from a specific place. It's not something so concrete as that, even if Jeno is running from the facilities, and Jisung is running from home. There are concrete parts to it: the hunters, the opportunists, those out to make the big bucks. But often there’s no face to put to the fear that wakes them up in a cold sweat the night, that gets them up and moving, scrambling for their next hideout before the first rays of dawn. The problem with fear is that it’s already everywhere, so there isn't much use in running.

At least now, they're running toward a destination. It's a place they've only heard whispers of, in snatches of conversation overheard on runs into civilization or when they need to duck out of the way for passing travelers. A place where there is a whole society of their kind, where they can live without fear.

They've been heading where the rumors point for the past couple weeks. In their hearts, Renjun knows none of them believes this place actually exists. Him least of all. He knows too good to be true when he hears it.

But they need to pretend. They need to try. Because if they don't believe there's a place they can go, they'll just be running forever.

Now that they have a destination, Renjun feels slow. His steps aren’t long enough, his feet clumsy against the dirt. Before when they were just running away, their speed wasn’t as important as their stealth. No place was safer than the last, so they didn't care much about moving fast, so long as they kept moving,

Now they're trying to get somewhere, and Renjun's wings flutter uselessly at his back as he slithers down a hill, tracking the others with his eyes as he tries to follow from below. One of them will fly far ahead, mapping out a path for him. That they have to map out a path for him hurts his pride, but they'd be even slower if they didn't.

"You should go ahead without me," he keeps telling them.

"No," Jaemin says. And it's Jaemin. It's always Jaemin. "We aren't leaving you behind."

Like Renjun said, he's stubborn.

They make it to the seaside by the end of the next day. They're dazzled by the water lapping at the black shores far beneath them. Jaemin and Jeno start sprinting, racing each other to see who can launch himself first over the side of the cliff. Jisung joins with some wariness, and Renjun remembers that Jisung hasn't seen the sea before.

Soon the three of them are soaring over the waves. Renjun forms a rectangle around their shrinking figures with the index finger and thumb of both hands. He thinks to capture this image in his memories, and shelve it with all the other top tier content he's captured over the years, to pull out on a gloomy day.

He isn't a part of that image, but then, he never is.

"That must mean it's close," Jisung says, when they return several hours later.

"All the rumors did say it was by the sea," Jeno says. They nod sagely, like they don't all know the coastline is endless.

Gulls whirl overhead, and Renjun watches them turn.

  
  


When night falls, Renjun can't fall asleep, so he carefully folds his wings in and extracts himself from the others. He walks to the edge of the cliff, over the seaside. He stands close enough to the edge that if a strong gust of wind catches him, he might fall in.

The wind's not weak, but not strong enough to unbalance him. It buffets his shirt and hair.

The ocean swirls below.

Renjun slowly lifts one leg and holds his foot over the edge of the cliff. The wind could tip him off the cliff now with even less effort. A small push, that’s all he needs. If he had the courage, he would walk forward himself.

He tries to imagine it, running up through the dirt and short scrub, with his heart pounding in his throat and his wings spreading out from his back. Running straight to the edge of the cliff, bending his knee to spring—ready at last, ready to take that final step— And—

And he sees Jaemin and Jeno launching themselves into the sky for the first time. For one heart-stopping moment they fall, but then their wings catch air and they’re buoyed up. Jaemin tilts dangerously to the right, but rights himself, and it’s smooth sailing from there. Renjun can’t process at first that it's really happening, not until Jeno and Jaemin high-five each other in mid air. They're flying.

Renjun whoops and rushes to join them. He doesn't notice another pair of feet pounding beside his until Jisung darts out in front of him. Renjun's blood turns to ice. Jisung isn't old enough, his wings aren't developed enough—

And Jisung jumps.

Renjun can’t forget the sight of Jisung's body hitting the side of the mountain, and tumbling down a couple times before stopping in a crumpled heap where the slope flattened out. He can't forget, and he has tried. He can't forget, because instead of jumping off to try to help Jisung, Renjun's feet halted at the edge of a cliff. He watched from afar, useless, unable to move, while Jeno and Jaemin darted down and gathered Jisung up.

Jisung's cry of pain from that time still plays in Renjun's nightmares. Neither of them was able to fly that day.

Though Jisung shied away from the cliff for a while, he recovered. The next time he tried to fly, he ran off the edge of the same cliff, large feet pounding like the beat of a drum. His fear wasn't gone, but he didn't let it stop him from jumping out over the edge. He soared.

In the end it's Renjun who's still standing at the edge, unable to jump off.

This time too, he can't do it. He knows his wings would probably work and he knows his body is made for this, but his foot comes back down to the ground so that he stands with two feet planted on the edge of the cliff. He closes his eyes. He can't even let the wind push him off, and it feels pathetic.

A pair of arms wraps around his waist from behind. "What are you doing, Renjun?" Jaemin's breath is hot against his ear.

"Nothing," Renjun says.

Jaemin's gaze is too knowing. He doesn't let go until he has hauled Renjun away from the edge.

_Am I holding you back?_ Renjun wants to ask, but he doesn't want to know the answer. Jaemin wouldn't answer that anyway.

Jaemin knocks the underside of the branch Renjun's clambered up on. "Come hang with me," he says. Renjun turns his head in an attempt to send a lazy glare Jaemin's way, but Jaemin's under the branch. Half his smile peeks out and Renjun sees the fluffy brown hair of the back of his head, but Renjun will have to sit up if he wants his glare to do any damage.

"Couldn't you have found me before I decided to take a nap?" Renjun asks.

"Nope."

Renjun grumbles. He's going to go, and Jaemin knows he's going to go, but it's the principle of it, you know? Jaemin should at least have to suffer his complaints.

Renjun swings his legs over the tree branch, thinks briefly about jumping off, wonders if his wings will catch flight if he does, and shimmies down the trunk. He follows Jaemin through the foliage. The path is suspiciously familiar, and his suspicions are all validated when they arrive at their current takeoff point.

It's a ledge dotted with the fleshy green stems and yellow flowers that grow so easily by the sea. It overlooks the beach, but the drop isn't too far. From above the sand looks soft, though Renjun knows it's coarse and gritty when it gets between his toes. It's far enough that falling could earn a broken bone, but nothing worse. Even though they don't fall, none of them have forgotten Jisung's first flight.

"Why'd you bring me here?" Renjun crosses his arms. The wind blows and bends the flowers around them.

He expects some quip about coming to see the sun set, though they're far too early, but Jaemin is quiet for a while. Jaemin spreads out his wings. The wingspan could cover Renjun twice over. Renjun feels small.

The wind rustles through Jaemin's feathers, and teases out one large red-tipped feather from the edge of his right wing. The sunlight paints him in gold. The wind lifts the feather, and Renjun reaches out a hand and catches it before the wind can lift it over the edge of the ledge.

"You better not have brought me out here to tell you your wings look good." That is a level of narcissism beyond what Renjun's willing to indulge, even from Jaemin. (Though if Jaemin asks very nicely, he might. He's easy to convince, what can he say?)

A flash of Jaemin's usual half-sardonic smile crosses his face. "I don't need you to tell me that." But the smile fades quickly to seriousness, and he searches Renjun's face, for—for what? Renjun doesn't know, and not knowing makes him uncomfortable.

He stretches out his own wings, to mask his discomfort. The wind feels good running through his feathers, but then he sees the lip of the ledge, too close. He folds his wings in again by reflex.

"Do you trust me?" Jaemin asks.

Renjun's tempted to punch Jaemin in the shoulder. The audacity of the questions Jaemin asks, sometimes. He acts like he doesn't already know the answers. But the way Jaemin watches him now is serious, too serious, as if he doesn't know the answer, as if what Renjun says would matter. So Renjun's hand stays down by his side.

So it comes out altogether too sincere when Renjun says, "Would I be here if I didn't?"

Jaemin exhales. "Okay, good." He takes Renjun by the arm and leads him right up to the edge. Maybe Jaemin's about to push him off, and force him to take that final step.

Renjun can't help that animal instinct recoil of fear when he sees over the edge, and his eyes dart up to Jaemin, looking for a way out. His wings are frozen on his back. If he jumps now, they won't spread. Maybe he doesn't have wings. Maybe he doesn't have feathers at all. He's all bone and no air, nothing but a skeletal frame that can't leave the ground.

"Breathe," Jaemin says. Renjun takes a shuddery breath and forces air back into his lungs. He tries to focus on Jaemin's voice. If he can't go over the edge himself, it's better if Jaemin can give him the push he needs—maybe Jaemin is the push he needs. He can almost convince himself he believes that.

In Renjun's head Jisung drops. Feathers whirling in the sky before he hits the ground, over and over again. In his head, he drops, and tumbles, one, two, three, down into the sand that now looks so far below.

Renjun tries to speak. It's inaudible in the wind.

Jaemin doesn't push him. He slides his arms under Renjun's, clasps them around his torso, and takes them both off over the ledge.

Wind rushes past their bodies. Renjun can't think. His mind can only hold onto one thought. _They're falling._

They're falling and his wings are pressed tight against his back between his body and Jaemin, and there's nothing he can do. He almost thrashes in Jaemin's grip before he gains enough rational thought to realize that moving is the last thing he should do right now, unless he wants to bring them both down.

He puts most of his effort into holding himself still, and some effort into cursing Jaemin out. The curse words aren't creative, but he's proud that he gets them out. Never let it be said that Renjun Huang goes out in silence. The wind whips the words away, so he's not sure Jaemin hears.

Somewhere past the white noise screaming in Renjun's mind, he starts to realize their fall is slowing down. Sound filters back into his ears, and Renjun's hearing gradually fills with the beating of Jaemin's great wings. Their descent slows until they're drifting down in the air.

"Wow," Renjun says, even though the view isn't so different from here, lower down in the air, than from the ledge above. He knows he'd be lying to himself if he said the ocean looked more blue, or the sky more open, or that one disk-shaped cloud any closer than before. Yet it does. The lowering sun is bright in his eyes, and the way it gleams across the waves makes him feel suddenly, startlingly alive.

"I wanted to show you this," Jaemin says.

Renjun twists in his hold. He's desperate to see Jaemin's face when he says this, to understand _why_ , and he forgets that they're mid-air.

When he twists, both of them feel Jaemin's hold slip, though Renjun doesn't realize it at the time. It isn't until the pressure folding his wings against his back disappears and he sees Jaemin's whole body go rigid with fear, that he understands he has slipped out from between Jaemin's fingers. He's falling now. Really falling.

Renjun sees Jaemin frozen in space above, for the space of a breath drawing further and further away, before he darts down toward Renjun with the speed of a falcon honing in on prey. Renjun's always suspected Jaemin had some falcon in him. Or maybe red-tailed hawk.

Renjun knows Jaemin won't be fast enough, but somehow knowing that Jaemin's coming for him, as Jaemin came for Jisung once many seasons ago, he's not afraid. His body flips in the air and he can't see Jaemin anymore, but he knows Jaemin is coming. He's not afraid.

As Renjun sees the ground coming up, for the first time his wings unfold in the air. He's still falling, but it slows, and tentatively his wings move against the air, once, twice.

He almost doesn't understand what's happening. He's in the air, and he isn't falling, not fast anyway. He's in the air, and _he isn't falling_. The moment feels infinite.

It's really rather short. He was close to the ground by the time his wings came out to slow his fall, and his feet soon touch the ground. The landing isn't pretty. There wasn't enough time to slow down all his momentum, and he hurtles forward, trips over a clump of kelp on the ground, and ends up on his hands and knees. Foamy seawater comes in with the wave and swirls around his wrists and ankles.

When Jaemin lands beside him, Renjun's still kneeling in the water. He's blubbering like a child. Not that kind of crying that movie stars do where they stare into the distance in pristine still beauty, a tear tracking down the side of their face. It's the kind of crying with huffy sobs, a scrunched up face, and snot running down from his nose.

"Hey, I saw that. Renjun, you flew! You really—god, you're crying. Why are you crying? This wasn't supposed to make you cry..."

Renjun wipes his snot on the back of his hand and rinses it in the water. Jaemin's eyes cut him with disgust, and he glares back because if anyone asks Jaemin better not say he cried. Jaemin isn't even supposed to point it out.

"I'm happy, you idiot," Renjun says.

Jaemin smiles, and reaches down a hand to help Renjun up. "I didn't know you'd look so ugly when you're happy."

Renjun splashes water on him. Jaemin sputters and hops backward. "Gross. That probably has your snot in it."

"It probably does," Renjun says with a nasty smile. The smile doesn't last long because he gets a face full of water that Jaemin kicks at him.

Jaemin starts running away before Renjun can even shake the water from his face. Renjun gets up from the ground and chases him. Jaemin has got a good head start by now, and he leaves a trail of footprints in the black sands of the beach.

When the tide comes in, it washes them away, but Jaemin's still running, making more. Renjun thinks that he must be leaving his own trail behind him, though he doesn't turn to look. With both feet on solid ground, it's easy for Renjun to forget that single insignificant moment in the air. But for that one infinite moment, he was flying.

Renjun stands at the edge of the cliff. He can almost, almost take that last step off. He lets one foot dangle over the edge. For once, he can picture air under his wings, buoying him up. He can picture himself flying with the others, a part of the picture instead of the one watching it between the rectangle of his fingers.

But he only stands there, his blood pulsing hot through to the tips of his fingers. Somewhere in the background, Jisung still falls.

Footsteps crunch in the dirt behind him. "You flew. Isn't that enough for now?" Renjun doesn't have to turn around to know who it is.

_I don't know,_ Renjun thinks.

It isn't just a dream. After days and nights of journeying, dodging a pack of hunters, and escaping the wiles of an old woman who believed bird boy bone soup would grant her longevity, they see it.

It's an island, surrounded by waters and reefs so treacherous no sane boatsman would try to cross. Anyone who did try to come in over the water would be spotted from far out, if they survived the journey.

Even from here, they can see people flying in the air, little dots gliding against the backdrop of the grey-blue sky. They've never seen so many, so unafraid to fly in the open. It doesn't feel real.

It's perfect, because the only way in is by air. Renjun puts his head in his hands.

The wind rushes around him. Ocean waves crash against the edge of the shores below, but Renjun can't hear their roar over the roaring in his ears.

"Renjun." It should be odd then, that Renjun can hear his name. The voice sounds tired, strained. Jaemin shouldn't be waking up for this. Renjun shouldn't be waking up for this.

They've already sent Jisung to the island. Jeno went with him, to make sure it's safe, and Jeno and Jaemin take turns to go back to check on him every morning. Renjun tells them to go too.

They refuse to go. Even Jeno, who he can usually persuade if he repeats himself enough times. Even now, when half their conversations devolve into shouting matches because of it, and when they know that if it goes on like this, it won't be long before they can barely stand each other. And now, this morning, Jeno caught a glimpse of hunters on their tail, and they had to move camp.

Renjun turns around. Jaemin stands there. He holds out a hand and beckons. "Not tonight," he says, firm, calm, almost commanding. It's the voice he sometimes uses on Jisung, and Renjun's more than a little insulted that he'd use it on him. He'd be more insulted if there wasn't something fragile and tremulous in Jaemin's expression, a thread about to snap.

A long time ago, someone told Renjun he could fly. He doesn’t remember who. But he suspects.

"We're all going to fly someday," Renjun says. He turns away from Jaemin.

He runs. The pounding of his feet is slow compared to the pounding of his heart, but he hears them both nonetheless. The mismatched drum beats throw him off for a second, and when he tries to imagine the rhythm of his wings in the air all he gets is nothing. Then he’s there at the edge. His mind is full of nothing.

Somewhere in the background, Jisung still falls.

And— And. He jumps.

**Author's Note:**

> just a random half thought about bird boys. and now i'm gonna sleep, good night


End file.
